


letters to lando.

by Anonymous



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Gen, Letters, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:00:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 21
Words: 3,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26688559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Comments: 62
Kudos: 88
Collections: Anonymous





	1. George.

lando,

you died.  
you died kid.  
one minute you were here, laughing with us and having the time of your life. 

and the next you were gone.  
I didn’t get to say goodbye.  
none of us did.  
it was almost like a snap of fingers between life and death. 

it’s been just short of two weeks since the accident. ten days without you. 

I keep expecting for the phone to ring or to get a dumb text of you sending a meme to the groupchat. 

it’s weird. we spoke about silence so much as a group and now that’s exactly what’s happened. complete and utter silence. 

I haven’t spoke to the other boys in a few days, we’re all so lost of what to do. 

I miss you,  
George.


	2. Max

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for Max’s potty mouth.

dickhead,

i don’t even know if I’m sad anymore.   
i think I’m angry.   
what world do we live in where the youngest person on the fucking grid dies first.   
a twenty year old. 

we collectively called the next races off for a few weeks. nobody could take going near a car, not after your accident. 

i’ve never been afraid of cars or speed or even dying, not till then. we always used to joke that speed would one day kill me, but we didn’t ever think it’d be you. not like this. 

for fuck sake lando. look what you’ve reduced me to, crying while writing this bloody letter which I already know you’ll never receive. 

i hope you know you’re my kryptonite. I’ve never been close to someone like I’m close to you and dan. never felt the attachment and protectiveness that I do until you came to f1. 

we’ve known each for years lando. ever since you were that tiny bloody kid who barely came to my shoulder. you’re the first person besides Dan who I’ve really trusted with anything. 

you made me a better person and the worlds going to be a shittier place without you in it. 

i should’ve said this more when you were still here but I love you and I always will. 

god this hurts so bad,  
max.


	3. Jon

dear lando,

it’s jon. or jhon as you would usually say. we often look at life as a moment of time, a moment of time is all it takes between being alive and not. 

and you can accomplish so much in that time, no matter how long it is. you achieved so much kid and I got to stand by your side through it all. 

through the tears and the celebrations and the heartbreaks, through the first kisses, from this tiny tiny kid, who at some points I never thought would grow. 

you weren’t ever a job to me, you were my little brother in everything but blood. the kid I nagged at to do his chores, to clean his room, to make sure he ate healthy and didn’t leave it to 3am to sleep. 

i was supposed to protect you. that’s what an older brother does and I couldn’t even do that right. I just sat there like a wet lemon, not being able to dash on to the track to help you. 

I was the first person at the hospital. nobody thinks anyone was able to say goodbye, but I was. they let me in for a few minutes right in the last minutes of your life, the doctors had already told me there was nothing they could do. 

so I held your hand. i held your hand and told you that I was right here, that you were loved and you were safe. that you could let go, you’d done well. 

and you let go. you squeezed my hand and you took one last breathe in and then just went to sleep. forever. 

I don’t know what to do kid. I miss you. we all do. 

I’m keeping in contact with your family and they’re doing about as well as expected in this situation.

everyone’s just heartbroken. the whole teams keeping in contact. zak, andreas, joel, marc, bert. everyone but Carlos. 

he went off the grid with his cousin when he found out and nobody’s seen him since. he’s checked in just to say he’s alive but. other than that nobody has a clue. 

god.  
I’m sorry for rambling.  
It was your job to ramble.  
not mine.  
but that’s the impact you have.  
had. 

I can’t.  
I miss you.  
I love you.  
jhon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 28 days till three years.


	4. Carlos 1.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is shit compared to jon’s but there’s more coming.

you, 

I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I burst out crying every time your name is mentioned to the point where I can’t even say it. 

why did you leave us  
why did you leave me  
why  
Why  
WHY

Carlos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> day 27.


	5. alex

lando,

it’s Alex. I’m sorry it took me so long to write this. I didn’t know what to say. 

george and max told me they were writing a letter to you and that it helped. but I couldn’t bring myself to. not till now. 

it’s been a month tomorrow and it feels like the world is a lot darker place without you. without your random babble in my ears when you found something out. without the dumb memes you’d send me. I know I never told you this but they genuinely made my day. 

i miss you. I don’t know what to say if I’m honest. I might write more. we’re meeting with your parents at the next race, we’re giving them your helmet. 

and everyone is driving with a number 4. I’ve asked for it to stay on the car the rest of the season. 

I’ll write again soon,  
Alex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 26 days.


	6. george 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is lowkey late but I’m a uni student w deadlines lol

lando,

hey kid. we had our first race since you, well you know. yeah. they invited your whole family, your mum, your dad, your sisters, ollie. max and connor were both there as well, sacha too and most of the f2 lads. 

they did a ceremony for you before the race and I swear it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever been to. we went to your funeral and that was no way near as hard as this. 

seeing your dad cry honestly broke my heart even more than seeing your mum cry. alex, max, charles and I all stood together, carlos stood near your parents. dan stood next to max, he was as heartbroken as the rest of us, he couldn’t wait till you were teammates. 

it seemed like everyone was either close to tears or crying no matter what. you were so loved kid. I just don’t think you knew the extent that you were. 

the minute silence was painful, all I could hear is your voice in my head complaining that everyone was being too quiet, that everyone should just smile. 

you always were a positive muppet when you wanted to be and I’ll always love you for it. forever and always kid. 

you’d be so happy today, but you’d also rip into us. alex won. and I got my first point. I finally did it. and so did Alex and we both bawled our eyes out after 

he bawled his eyes out on the podium with max and lewis, threw four fingers into the air and pointed to the sky. it was for you. It was always going to be for you. I guess you’re just our guardian good luck angel now. 

and I bawled mine out as soon as i got out the car, and then again when alex and I saw each other later that day. this has always been our dream, me, you and alex all on the podium together. arms wrapped around each other. 

I swear I won’t give up, I’m gonna make sure I get it. and i’m gonna make sure they know you’ll have been there every single day, in spirit and in memory. 

I love you,  
George.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 25 days.


	7. charles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> happy lando day. sorry for killing you off lmao

lando,

I’m sorry I took so long to write. honestly it took a while before I could even get my head around the fact that I lost you. 

I’ve lost so many people in my life lando and then I lost you. The little dweeb who was scared of hornets. who screamed his head off because he was so scared of them. 

I know I joined late to the call but god, I watched it back after and I was sat there clutching my stomach from laughing. it just summed you up to a T, funny without even knowing it, not caring about how people would see you. 

we had our own memorial for you. me, alex, george and max. yes max and I actually managed to stay in the same room for more than 5 minutes, you’d be so proud. 

when you died, we just called a truce. life’s too short for us to stay hating each other. you were always our peace maker, making sure we didn’t kill each other and telling us to fuck off if we took it too far. 

we’d do anything for you. as cheesy as it sounds it’s true, you were our little brother and we lost you. it’s weird. I keep expecting a phone call, telling me to come play fall guys or sim racing or just chatting pure shit. 

I miss you.   
we’ll always race for you yknow?   
always.   
say hi to jules, anthoine and my dad for me. 

they’ll take care of you now. 

love,  
Charles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 24 days.


	8. carlos 2

hi,

I miss you.   
I’m so angry. so tired.   
I don’t wanna be angry but everything reminds me of you. 

please come back,  
Carlos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 23 days.


	9. max 2.

lando,

I’m sorry it’s been so long since my last letter. I’ve been so caught up in my life that I pushed all my emotions aside. 

I ended up bottling everything up and then had a bad race and ended up just, breaking I guess. Dan found me bawling my eyes out and made me talk. 

you know what I’m like. I’m emotionally stunted most of the time until I reach breaking point. the truth is, I’m struggling without you. 

I see you everywhere. I see your smile in your friends, in the mclaren mechanics. I see your dumb jokes and memes everywhere. I hear your laugh in george, alex, all your friends. I keep expecting you to go bug carlos and try and push him over. 

keep expecting you to turn up on the grid, complaining about being cold. to see you swallowed in atleast five layers. 

It’s hard. trying to train my brain to realise that you aren’t here. dan’s been keeping an eye on me ever since your accident happened.he doesn’t think I’m grieving or whatever. 

it’s hard. how are you supposed to grieve your best friend? especially when everything reminds you of him. you were my brother. the one I told everything to. 

It’s getting hard.   
love,  
max.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 22 days.


	10. alex 2.

lando,

have you heard the term grief is a continuous circle? you grieve for a while and then start to feel okay and you think everything’s gonna be okay and the something slips up and you’re not okay again and you’re grieving all over again. 

they say you say don’t just say goodbye once, that you say it over and over again. it’s been months. months since we first said goodbye, but it feels like just yesterday. 

I put a photo in my bathroom of you. just like you did to me. but yours is a memorial. god I bet you never expected that as a kid. 

you were all I thought about when I got my first win. from the moment I crossed the line to the moment I got back to the hotel, all I could think about is lando would be so proud of me. 

you’d be so proud of George too, I’m not sure if he’s mentioned this in his letters but he’s finished in the points the last three races in a row and there’s talk of him moving to Mercedes at the end of the season. 

it’s so weird without you on the grid, not having our talks while we’re waiting for the national anthems or waiting to get in the cars. I find myself looking around at times, looking for that smile. that god forsaken smile and laugh. 

that’s when it hits. waiting for you to make a sarcastic comment about which of us would be ahead going into turn 1, waiting for you to crack us up, helping with the pressure and anxiety before the race. 

you were always the best at doing that yknow. you had this energy that drew people to you, you could calm them down in a second but at the same time internalise all your own anxiety and not tell anyone. 

i gotta go, we’ve got free practice soon. I miss you. 

love,   
Alex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 21 days.


	11. carlos 3.

lando,

why did you leave?  
I’m barely holding on.   
come back please. 

carlos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 20 days. sorry this is small I’m lowkey high


	12. sacha

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY ITS LATE AGAIN, also i'm reading all your comments and i appreciate them all so so much, i'll be replying to them all at the end of the fic. i love you all.

lando, 

it's sacha,   
it's taken a while  
i'm sorry.   
i'm sorry i wasn't there. i'm so sorry.   
you know jon was the one who told me?  
he was still at the hospital.   
he only left your side when your parents arrived. 

i've been in contact with them.   
they're doing okay,   
they're missing you obviously.  
it just seems like all of your friends are suffering.   
we miss you. 

i've been in contact with max, george and a few other of the boys and we've been speaking a lot about you,  
about the memories we have with you.   
those chats are my favourite, but they also leave me in tears.   
we're not going to make any more memories,   
and my brain doesn't seem to understand you. 

i changed my lockscreen,   
it's a photo of the two of us from when we lived together.   
everyone thought we were mad moving in together at 17/18,  
but we loved it. 

and i'll treasure those memories as long as i live.   
i'll treasure hitting you with a pillow when you turned 18 and then smashing your face into your face with jon.   
i'll remember the dumb water fights and food fights, jon having to tell us off for making too much of a mess.   
not to mention the day we found out you were going to be an f1 driver, that night was manic. a good manic but manic. 

i love you,   
you always knew that right?  
i'll always love you.   
you're my best friend.   
you were the person i told everything to and even now i still talk to you. 

i'll talk to you again soon.  
love always,   
sacha.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 19 days.


	13. surprise.

lando,

I’m so tired. so so tired.  
I’m tired of the pitying looks,  
the oh he’s the one with the dead friend.  
when does it end?

I’m driving for f2 next year.  
you’d be over the moon, as much as you teased me when I left f3, I knew that you were concerned. you wanted the best for your friends even if you didn’t show it. 

I watch our streams a lot, as sad as it sounds, laughing and sometimes crying at the rage moment, getting irritated at Dan. 

the whole range of emotions I go through each time always leaves me with a giant headache. it’s like I’ve had a constant headache since you left. 

I know we were never those people to say it considering that we’re both emotionally stunted british guys. but I loved you, you know that right?

spending days with you and Connor honestly made my day. even dan’s torn up about you, I’ve never heard him so quiet in my life, it’s like he’s just deflated. 

I’ll write again soon okay?

The other Max.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 18 days.


	14. alex 3.

lando,

Christian sent max and i to therapy, he decided we weren’t dealing with everything well. really I don’t think they want the bad publicity if one of us dropped dead. 

I thought I was doing okay, I got my first win and then the next race I dnf’d and I just fell apart, all the grief just hit me like a sledgehammer. It was like this giant force just dropped on my chest and it was like I just couldn’t breathe. 

max isnt dealing well. he just shut down, he wakes up, is forced to eat, gets in the car, drives and then sleeps. and that’s just the days I know about. 

Dan’s been trying to help but max is just shutting him down completely. he opened up the once and then it was like he put a mental fence up around his emotions and his heart. scared to let anyone else in incase they die too. 

I don’t want this feeling anymore. why can’t you come back. I’m begging you. please come back, it hurts all of us way too much to try and cope without you in our lives. 

therapy isn’t helping, it just stirs up more and more memories and makes me miss you even more. it makes the pain even worse. because all I want is you back. 

I’m begging you. please lando. please. please come back. 

love,  
alex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 17 days.


	15. max v.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is so short I might have covid lol

lando,  
i can’t breathe.  
you aren’t here to calm me down.  
I can’t breathe.  
fuck.  
I miss you.  
I’m crying. 

max

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 16 days.


	16. Dan r.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry it’s late, I’ve got covid symptoms and they’re wiping me out.

lando,

max is okay.   
I’ve got him.   
I’ll write again tomorrow.   
but I’ve got him.   
don’t worry. 

he’s not okay.   
but I’ve got him.   
We miss you. 

love,  
Dan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 15 days.


	17. dan r.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mass posting oopses

lando,  
it’s not been the same without you kid.  
I know I only got close to you in the last year of your life but god,  
I was so excited to be your teammate next year.  
you just know we would’ve turned around and picked on max and Michael and jon.  
But we didn’t get to. 

And my heart hurts knowing that.  
It sorta put it into perspective what we really do.  
Like I know I felt it with jules  
and it broke my heart with him,  
but I got to say goodbye to him.  
I didn’t get to say goodbye to you.  
We all didn’t. 

you were gone within a blink.  
One minute you’re grinning at me and picking on max, waiting for the race to start and the next minute we’re being told you died.  
I was sat with max when we found out, we were still at the track because they wouldn’t let us go to the hospital, but god, he broke.  
Max who had been so strong through so bloody much just crumbled. 

I’ve been struggling to keep him together, it’s like every time I try he just falls through the cracks.  
I don’t know what to do lando.  
I’m tempted to get him professional help, he needs time away.  
Away from all of this.  
He’s in therapy but its not helping. 

god,  
why did you have to die?

Dan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 14 days.


	18. george

Lando, 

Happy birthday kid.   
It would’ve been your 21st today.   
Our little pain in the ass. 

Max isn’t racing at the minute,   
Redbulls pulled him out,  
they put him on shoelace watch.   
Dan pratically made them. 

He’s having round the watch care at the minute,   
We’re not sure exactly where but we have their confirmations that he’s safe.   
It’s like everythings torn apart.   
Like it’s crumbled.   
Nothing makes sense. 

Dan and the older drivers say it’s normal to grieve you,   
But this isn’t grieving you.   
Carlos doesn’t talk anymore, alex is heartbroken, max is broken, Charles is the only one even remotely doing okay.   
I don’t even know what I’m doing.   
I’m supposed to feel something but I just don’t.   
I’m numb,   
Just completely and utterly numb. 

We miss you a lot.   
It’s like this lando shaped hold in our lives.   
We didn’t realise just how much you meant to us until you were gone.   
And it just bloody hurts 

Racings the only thing that takes my mind off it.   
As soon as I step in the car it just seems to switch off,   
But as soon as I get out and the adrenaline wears off,   
It all comes back. 

I just, when does it get easier?  
It’s been months now and its still not any easier.   
And I hate it.   
I hate that I miss you every day. 

I need to let go.   
I need to remove the grief from my life before it destroys me.   
I love you lando,   
You know I do.   
But I think this is the last letter I can write.   
I need to let myself feel and heal. 

I love you always lando norris.  
Forever and always,   
George.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 13 days.


	19. carlos

Lando,   
I’m sorry I’ve been quiet.   
The truth is I just don’t have anyone to talk to.   
Everyone keeps asking me are you okay,  
but how am I supposed to tell them that the one person I want to talk to is dead. 

So I just don’t talk.   
I know it’s a bad strategy and you’d be yelling at me to talk to someone, but you’re the only person I want to talk to.   
George, Charles, seb, alex, dan the whole lot, they’ve all tried to getting me to talk but they’re not you.   
I know I keep saying that but it’s true. 

You’ve always been the one to get me to open up,   
As cheesy as it sounds.   
You were my best friend and god, lando, I think I was in love with you.   
It took you physically dying for me to realise that. 

I’ll never know if you felt the same.   
I hope you did.   
It feels unreal writing it down.   
I was so blind lando.   
I watched our old videos and god it was obvious. 

It was right infront of my eyes.   
but I had sunglasses on.   
God I was so fucking blind. 

You’ll be the one that got away,   
I’ll be back soon.   
I don’t know what more to say today. 

Love Always,   
Carlos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 12 days.


	20. A note.

hey guys,

I just wanted to put a note out saying I probably won’t update this for a few weeks. honestly today’s crash has struck a nerve in my chest and I couldn’t even think about updating it. 

I’m so thankful romain is okay. I’ve honestly not been that scared in years.


	21. for you.

many of you know that I was counting down in the chapter notes. the truth is I was counting down to the anniversary of a close friend passing away. 

today marks three years. three years since he passed. three years since a close friend of mine died at 18. 

I was 17. 17 and I was burying a friend. we’d fallen out for a while before he died, a lot of stuff went down and honestly the one thing that kept me going after he died was the face we made up. 

Literally just before he died we made up, but because we had fell out I lost everything. I lost the photos, the messages. everything. because I blocked him. 

The only messages I actually have is a fake memorial message we did for each other and a year and a bit before he actually died. and god it breaks me. 

I know he’d be proud of the fact I’m still alive and I’m doing what I want to do but it just messes me up. This was a guy I nearly dated and he just. stopped being alive. 

I miss you.   
I love you, Ben.   
Always.

**Author's Note:**

> to you. from me. i miss you.


End file.
